A painful reminder

My phone alarm rang ... Ahhh I thought to myself, must be something important I have scheduled for the day much earlier. Looking at my blackberry, it was a reminder of my Dad's birthday. Somehow my phone still gave out the anniversary reminder despite my dad's passing a year ago. It was a momentary flashback and I stood there appreciating the thought of him.

Though it has been a year , the painful experience of loss still lingers. The pain is because of the miss opportunities I have NOT taken to mend the relationship between us. I'd often took things for granted and never got round to doing it. I know, I had to learn to let go but somehow the reminder often keeps him close to me. I have learn to forgive him but most importantly I am slowly learning to forgive myself for those miss opportunities.

How often we read the daily paper and sometimes come across the obituary section of someone we knew. If you find yourself saying... it's only just last week I 'd met him, why? Perhaps it is time to seriously set aside some time to call our long forgotten friends and most importantly family members which we seldom keep in touch.

Different types of Friendship

When you are feeling down, do you have a friend who is willing to walk that rocky path with you? A friend who patiently listen to your every bit of complain and frustration until you feel better. A friend who would be willing to stand by you when you are being isolated from others.

Through my years in my adult life, I have had many types of friends. My daily workmates, Friends who parties with you, Friends who helped out in voluntary project, Friends who trade secret cooking recipes and etc.

Last year, When my father suffered from stroke and diagnosed of fourth stage lung cancer in the hospital, that was one of my most trying moments in life. I felt helpless and had a lot unresolved issues that I could not clear with my dad. He lost his speech and loss part of his logical thinking faculty. I felt lonely not because no one came and comforted me but no one to share my inner thoughts with. To share deep secret opens oneself to vulnerability. Opening oneself to the wrong person could subject of manipulation and other ill intention.

I believe that one of the principles operating in our lives is the law of reciprocity. Some may call it as KARMA. If you do good to others , good will happen to you. If you are mean and revengeful to others, you will receive the same in return. So.... to have good and loyal friends , we must be one. So base on this concept , I asked myself what is the criteria in order to be one. Looking back in the past,I do know that there must be an element of trust, the ability to keep secrets and the patient to listen without offering advice. I think out of this three value trust, secrecy and listening, the most difficult to upkeep is the ability to keep secrets. The reason is that keeping secrets requires strong character.

I do admit I am not really good at keeping secrets as I am kind of an extrovert in nature.However I did not openly share my unresolved emotions about my dad .He is now gone for nearly a year but I still think about him and sometimes I find myself confiding in him silently. Well, I am not sure whether he can listen to my thoughts but I would like to believe that he is.

Banana leaf anyone?

Banana leaf anyone? Having your food served on a banana leaf tends to whip up the appetite. it looks so natural and appetising. Before the banana leaf can be used, it is glazed over a fire in a sweeping motion. The banana leaf has a thin coating which appear glossy once heated up.

 The first time I ate  Banana leaf rice was at an Indian restaurant serving southern Indian cuisine.  A serving of rice, curry fish, papadum, pickles with dhal sauce. You must try eating with your hands  to truly enjoy the experience. Last night we were celebrating Marylou's  promotion in the company. Yes... I know that feeling and how I wish it happen more often so more parties can be thrown.

I believe it is a good customary to find reasons to celebrate with the family as it strengthen the family bond. You will never know what life may throw at you, there will come a time the family bond is tested.  Only with the existence of a strong relationship can we overcome any challenges.

Making the most of my time

Last weekend, I had a wonderful time at the beach with my whole family. Weather was nice and shady while the water was warm and inviting.  This is the first time my daughter Ryanna was using the floater. I took notice of her as she was quiet and contended the whole time. At the blink of an eye, I year 1 month have passed by quickly. I keep on reminding myself that time is precious because so often I am caught up in a whirlwind of activities that took away my time from the family. I am pursuing my dreams as to open up new options in my living lifestyle for the future. I want to see my family gets a better life , better education for my children, and have more choices to make. It is even more critical especially in this period of uncertainty.  

I recall a saying " Don't let the good gets in the way of the best". Contentment and status quo gets us no where. I want to live life to the fullest and it is happening but at a gradual pace. Sometimes making too hasty of a decision may revert our progress a few steps back. Only experience and natural instinct can be our best teacher. Truth told , the only way to get good experience and making better decisions is to have bad experience and have made the wrong decisions in the past. Ironic isn't it. 

Have you check your spare tire?

It happen on one Sunday morning, my plan was to go to the market early morning to look for something interesting to cook. Lo and behold, I got a flat tyre. How interesting can that be?

 I was in a way glad that it did not happen elsewhere, that would be a great inconvenience especially if I was in a rush. So I decided to turn this temporary inconvenience into opportunity to teach my son Ryan to change the tyre.  This has change the way I looked at the whole situation instead of responding by grumbling about the whole ordeal. Ryan was actually having fun at it. 

 

 Life is such that anything can happen and some instances bound to happen but the challenge is to look at the setback in a different light. This experience actually reminded me the importance of the spare tyre which I have not checked since I bought the car two years ago. True enough the spare was also without much air and render useless if there is an emergency. Lucky for me my father in-law was in a tyre supply business and he helped me to repair the puncture tyre. 

 

Isn't it interesting to note that we often forget what is truly important until the moment arise that you need them. When you require them, it may not be helpful at all because we have neglected to care for them all this while. 

 

During my defensive driving  training , the instructor advice us to pump in extra air into the spare tyre as it will loses its air pressure over a long period. How's your spare tyre?  

 

Time to say Goodbye

The airport is either a place where you see tears of joy or sadness. It is a place where people welcome those coming especially relatives or friends whom have not met for a  long time. On the other hand, it is here too we bid farewell to the people we love.

This time round, We said our goodbyes to my sister Vivian and her children Sophie and Daniel. She will be off to Africa, a place call Gabon. Honestly, this is the first time I have heard of the place and so I did a little read up about it. Ah, the wonder of information technology at your finger tips. Here is the site reference just it case you are curious about it. http://www.lonelyplan et.com/gabon . 

My sister husband Andrew is posted there since two weeks ago and the family will follow later as a lot of preparation for the living arrangement has to be made. Despite the distance, Vivian has been in contact with Andrew through Skype which is free Internet video service. Of course you need to make sure your desktop is fast enough and web cam is of reasonable quality to get the best result. The Internet infrastructure is also a major factor since some countries have more advance connectivity. You may download the Skype from this site at http://www.skype.com/intl/en/ 

Life has it's way of surprising us, sometimes we never know where our journey will take us to. Whether it is sweet or bitter, there is always a lesson to be learned. 

Memories of my grandmother - Philomena Shak

Celebrating my grandmother 73rd birthday. 

The name Philomena is greek origin which means Philos "friend" and Menos "strength". It really reflect my late grandmother who has a very strong character.

I enjoy talking to the elderly because there are so much to learn from them. Their life are colourful whether they realise it or not. It is especially interesting to learn about their life's struggle and what they did to make it through. This are valuable lessons about the values and  attitude required to overcome the challenges at hand. 

I have one regret in life and that is I did not sit down more often with my late grandmother to hear her story. Based on the stories I remembered was how she got up at 4 am every  morning and would tap rubber to support the family. I can still recall her story how she hid from the Japanese who was occupying Malaysia during the world war two, back in 1946. Then she was a single mother with 7 children to care for. My grandfather died from an unknown  illness . Then there were no proper medical facilities and he died when my dad was a few months old.  I was in my teenage years when she passed away in 1984. I sadly recall how I sometimes misunderstood her as she was a very strict but caring person on the inside. However many times she express it in a manner a teenager may not understand. Though she was not an  expressive person in showing her affection. I realise much later that discipline and hardwork put food on the table. It was important then to equip the child with the necessarily skill to survive. Of course times have change, now you may be accuse of child abuse if you are physically strict with your children LOL.

I guess that is the reason why I can socialise well with elderly people because I wanted to make up for the times I missed with my grandparents. Many successful people today owe their success to their parents who brought them up with discipline and firmness. I think it is very important in raising our children we need to be firm but at the same time they need to know that you love them very much.

Ryanna's 1st Birthday

It was a year ago, Ryanna Grace Pang came into our life. She was born on the 2nd February 2008 at 11.40 AM weighing 2.8 Kg. Prior to that , my wife and I were trill to find out that the child she was expecting was a girl. Now I feel that my life is complete. With my two boys and her , I have a hand full already. I do admire some families with more than 6 children. They must be good in juggling their time and emotion well. Large families was a common sight in those days.

Caring for Ryanna's early months was a good experience. She did not cry much in the middle of the night as she has predictable sleeping hours unlike my second son Raynald.

A few days ago, my wife Liza told me that she caught her taking her first step all on her own. As parents, it is an exciting moment to see that happens however she is beginning to show signs of tantrum throwing if she does not gets what she wants. Last night for the first time i saw her lying flat on the floor and both hands and legs hitting and kicking with displeasure. Oh no....here we go again , the beginning of the terrible two syndrome. Like they say, it is part of life.

On her birthday celebration, I spend many hours compiling video and photos to make a 9 mins movie clip. The movie clip started with her picture in her mummy's belly until her one year birthday. There will be many more birthdays to come and we will cherish every moment of it. As a father of three, it is my deepest desire to teach them the value of love. I have read somewhere that a child spell love as T.I.M.E

Chinese New Year eve dinner

My dad on the left (Freddy) and my dad in law on the right (Fred)

This year Chinese new year family dinner is a meaningful one. Instead of the usual of going to the Chinese restaurant for the dinner , I decided to have something different this year and had the dinner at my house. My mum, wife and I were the chef for the day. I cooked up the following dishes, Yellow prawns cook in Hoisin sauce, Steamed garoupa fish, Sauteed Scallops with broccoli,yellow and red capsicum, My mum whipped out sweet and sour pork (my mum's specialty), Steamed chicken with special sauce, a recipe which was handed down from my late grand mother and shark fin with crab meat soup. My lovely wife prepared the Japanese tofu with minced meat (beef).

Cooking the dish itself does not take a long time, however the preparation is the most time consuming. It is a process of deciding on the manner of cooking the dish, sourcing and selecting the raw food and it's ingredients at the local market, cutting, dicing and marinating the meat prior to cooking it. we also need to plan the sequence of dishes to be cooked as to optimise time and spaces in the kitchen. As it is an auspicious dinner, the choice of dishes needs to reflect prosperity and abundance. So I ensure that we spend a little extravagant on the food such as the shark fin and yellow prawns. Even the pig trotters was air flown from Sabah, well that was because of the local shortage.

I observed that Chinese restaurant set dinner would usually be priced at 388, 588 , 688 and so forth. The number 88 is important to the Chinese as it signifies prosperity and wealth. Having the dinner at the home is so much memorable and fun. My parents and my wife family came and made this evening dinner a memorable one. Though my siblings Robert, Simon and Vivian can't make it this year because they were having it with their respective in laws. Though a lot of effort and time is put into the preparation, it was worth it.

Baby Steps

My daughter is now 11 months old and she is strong enough to stand unaided. Looking at her , I feel so proud and rejoice to see her progressing in her physical growth. Now she is trying to walk.

In the evening, when I do get home early; I would take her for a walk in the garden. Holding her right hand,she would walk wobbly, while balancing with her left hand. Though she has not perfected her sense of balance, she takes one step at a time. Many times she would lose her balance and fall, causing her to cry. After comforting her she would forget the whole ordeal and start standing up again. She is falling less and less now. Isn't that amazing. Never giving up and learning from the fall.

How I wish, as adult we are able to emulate a little child in picking themselves up after each fall. Learning from the fall and trying again and without the fear of the pain paralysing them from making another attempt.

Sometimes our education gets in way, we think too much until we fear of failing. At times it is the people around us telling all the reasons why it may fail in the name of being realistic. I believe between education, people's pessimism , the greatest influence is the way we are brought up. If we were told over and over again not to take risk, stick to security, play it safe and etc, we may never dare to venture out of our comfort zone. If we never venture out, we will never fully discover our full potential. If we never discover our full potential, then we will never know how to live life to the fullest and worst of all it affects the future generation. The decision we make today will affect our children's children.

Imagine what would it be like if you make a decision today to migrate to another country or to start a new business venture. The outcome will change the course of our life and the lives of our future generation. It is interesting to watch a documentary about ancient china, the people then use to live life for the future generation even to the point of making personal sacrifice. However in today's context it is most often about me, me and me.

Personally, we need to strike a balance between achieving our dreams and our responsibility for the future generation. In the media, we witness so many super stars breaking up because they were too busy pursuing their dreams and neglecting the people they love. After a while cracks begin to appear in the relationship which later leads to the failure in the marriage if not address sooner.

What if you can travel back in TIME?

Last night I was busy scanning photographs of the birth of my son Ryan and Raynald and some younger days pictures of my wife, myself and the family. Still lots more to go. Those days, picture taking was a luxury or at least for me. Firstly you need to purchase the rolls of film either in 12, 24 or 36 and not to mention expensive. Unlike today, with the convenience of the digital camera we can snap till you drop. If you are like me , with the trigger happy attitude of taking pictures, I am facing problem with storage and filling them accordingly. Well this, I consider a good problem.

As I was scanning the older photographs of me , it brought back many wonderful memories of the event. firstly I look so much younger then and looking at that younger me , I somehow wonder what if I could go back in time, what kind of advice I can give to him? If time travel was possible, what would I say to him? These are advice that I can think of right now.

1.) Don't put off what you can do today. Many opportunities is lost due to procrastination.

2.) Focus on taking action today to move closer to the goal however small it may seem. Have the "little by little, everyday" attitude.

3.) Always look on the bright side of things however difficult.

4.) Save more money and invest for financial freedom. Create value with money.

5.) Don't expect anything in return when doing something for others. At least you will not be disappointed.

6.) Don't do things out of greed, you will surely lose

7.) Build multiple source of income so you are not put in a spot when you lose your job.

8.) Be confident in what you do.

What would you say to your younger self? Please feel free to share your advice.

A new beginning 2009

On new year eve, My family and I spend the night at the beautiful Labuan Tiara resort. The resort stands on a slope overlooking the beautiful beach front. My room balcony has a fantastic view of the blue swimming pool.
New year day, woke up 7.30 in morning and took a drive round town to buy breakfast for my family who were still sleeping. They partied late night with the uncles, aunties and cousins. I on the other hand, slept early just after the count down as I was a little tipsy from the beer I have taken earlier. It was pouring cats and dogs just after midnight. Glad I was not caught in any traffic jam but on the comfort of my hotel bed. I though to myself would 't it be great to wake up everyday like this. A peaceful and comfortable environment. I must put this as my goal for the year. Well, according to the law of attraction from "the Secret", whatever the mind focus on whether positive or negative, it will come to reality.

As I was planning and setting my 2009 goals, I have decided to do something differently this year. Instead of focusing on everything I wanted to have and achieve, it is my desire to help 3 people to succeed as one of my goal. I will considered it accomplished, if these 3 people will live a better quality life after I have helped them. This is not a new concept as it was make popular in the movie "Pay it forward". Intresting movie to watch.

So what's your Goal for the year?